You see a couple of weeks ago I posted about taking Matilda to day care for the very first time. I was understandably nervous but optimistic as Matilda loves kids and is usually a happy go lucky little creature.
Well I was right to be optimistic that day, she had loved every minute of it. When I arrived to pick her up she was sound asleep. When I eventually woke her she was excited... to show me the fan in the bedroom (she loves fans more than almost anything), when I brought her out of the sleeping room she clambered down to continue playing.
Phew. That was so much better than it could have been. Day two was similar to day one and I had one happy little girl on my hands.
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| Somehow I think she would rather be at the beach... |
Then something happened. I don't know what but by the start of week two we had a sooky girl on our hands. She was subdued and miserable, a little teary at times and definitely not herself. Any time someone left she cried - and not just people she knew, anyone walking out the door would set her off. She also cried at any loud noises or excitement and was super drooly. So we thought maybe tooth number eight was on its way and she was feeling off.
Week three was so much worse. Week four isn't looking any better.
She now hangs on for dear life the moment we walk in and screams blue murder as soon as I put her on the ground or leave her with one of the (lovely) staff members. Its killing me.
Everyone says that she will calm down once I leave and have a lovely day, but no. She does have her fun times but she is easily upset and when she is upset she is screaming.
I have tried everything I can possibly think of to help her settle in. I have tried the quick goodbye and the stay and play, I've tried feeding her loads before and on the way in and setting her up for morning tea before I leave. None of it is working :(
I am at a loss at what else to do.
I really never thought this would happen. Matilda loves other kids and is happy to go off with her Aunt or grandparents so I really thought she would enjoy her days 'at the farm'. And I thought it would be good for her.
The worst part? This is not the way I want to parent my daughter. I want her to grow up happy and connected to her Mum and Dad. I want her to know we are always here for her and that we would never do anything to hurt or upset her. I want her to be attached.
Yet I leave her, three days a week, screaming, in the care of strangers with other crying children. Am I not a fraud?
Going back to work part time was always part of the plan and with such a happy contented girl it seemed it would all work out ok. But now I am feeling completely out of my depth and wondering how will I walk in the door for the first time next week and be confident in my decision?
How on earth will I sit at my desk next week and tell people I am happy to be there when my little world is screaming for her mum?
I really have no idea how to combine what feels right as a parent and the needs and wants of my family (and bank manager!) and that makes me feel like a fraud.
Giving up work is not an option (although its definitely my first instinct!) so any suggestions from other Mums and Dad out there will be gladly welcomed!
Is this a classic case of "separation anxiety"?
ReplyDeleteI am sure that she will grow up happy and connected to her Mum & Dad.
Is she happy to see you when you pick her up?
My first year at school was a teary one. There was no "daycare" then, so at 4 we went forth into the world with no preparation, kicking & screaming. My parents always came back to get me & I think it was a difficult year as I really didn't enjoy the company of other children.
I don't think you are a fraud, but are feeling as most mums feel when they leave their children in daycare. I think Matilda enjoyed her first week because it was a novelty, but then it became a routine. Those sad feelings will never leave you and I really wish I lived closer so I could lend you my time and help. BUT you are not a fraud!