Unsolicited advice - sure, please, go ahead...

There are two types of unsolicited advice that I seem to get and both drive me bonkers!

The first is one I am sure we have all experienced - it's the advice we get from the stranger on the street, in the supermarket or at the park about parenting that we (at least I think) clearly don't need.

I experienced this for the first time the other day in my local supermarket. Matilda was quite happily sitting in the trolley munching away on some bread. Once that was done I pulled out a few fresh blueberries and offered her one. Now we were pulled "off to the side" of the aisle so we weren't in the way and I was quite lost in my conversation with her "Ta Mummy, now go slow with that" etc etc, when a stranger pulls her trolley up, across the front of mine, and proceeds to lecture me on the way I am feeding my child!

"Does he chew them up?"

"Cause if he doesn't he'll choke you know"

Gee thanks! I would have never known my child needs to chew her food...

Now, when I tell this story it involves a raspy, I-smoke-a-pack-of-cigarettes-a-day, old lady's voice. It may, or may not, have sounded like that but it emphasizes my point. So feel free to re-read her delightful advice with that in mind ;)

I still cannot decide if I am more insulted by the lecture or the fact that despite Matilda being clad in a pink trolley cover and a sparkly pink top she continued to refer to her as 'he'.

The other type of advice is the one that fascinates me more than anything. Don't get me wrong it it still annoys me but mostly I just find it fascinating what people will say and their response when you challenge them (in a nice way).

Have any other mums ever had these types of comments?

"Don't let her suffer"
"Don't let her get sunburnt"

Ummm... Like I would! I know the people saying this don't actually think I would do these things, they are kind of something that is said without thinking. Well that's all well and good for the person saying it but it gets to us mums!

I would never knowingly let Matilda get sunburnt, let her suffer or do or eat anything that would be dangerous for her so please don't suggest I would. And if you do, be prepared for me to challenge you on it.

I have done this once before and the look on the persons face was pure shock - she had no idea how insulting what she said was. She hadn't meant anything by it, she was just trying to show she cared. But that's not how it felt for me.

Please people, when you speak to a new mum understand that what you say as a offhand comment may actually feel like intense criticism or be quite insulting - even if that's not how you meant it. Stating the obvious is common in everyday conversation but when you mix hormones, sleep deprivation and the insecurity of being a new parent it can become a personal criticism.

As for those strangers in the shopping centre - if my child chokes on the blueberry feel free to stop and lecture me but until then back off. It would be much nicer if you just stopped to say hello to her.

The 'other' Mummy guilt

We all know about Mummy guilt, there a thousands of blog posts out there about it and everyone has experienced it. You know that guilty feeling you had when you first left bubba, when you had to go back to work before you wanted to or when you discovered that you hadn't done up points 498 and 499 on the 500 point harness... Well that's not what this post is about.

I've been thinking about the other type of Mummy guilt I have come across since being a mum - I like to call it "Your not doing it the way I did and I feel threatened by that so I will attack your choices" guilt - or 'past Mummy guilt' for short!

Has anyone else experienced it? It usually goes something like this:

"I've decided to do X" (this could be cloth nappies, baby led weaning, not using sun screen - or the exact opposite!)

"Really, well here's a hundred reasons why what you are doing is ...... (insert wrong, dangerous, stupid, unethical etc etc)"

Well ok it's not quite that bad but it can be quiet confronting and honestly I don't understand it. By choosing to parent my child my way I am in no way suggesting that the way you do it is wrong, it's simply the right way for me. Is that really that offensive?

What I find fascinating is that this reaction isn't just from mothers of bubs the same age as Matilda it can come from anywhere - Mums of toddlers or older children to mums of teenagers, adults and grandmothers!

It really makes you wonder how those mums who are feeling a little sensitive put up with it, no wonder we all get overwhelmed at times. I can't count the amount of times I have felt like I have had to defend my parenting choices to someone who simply did it differently.

The thing is, usually the topics that create the most reaction are not those 'hot' topics we expect. Things like smacking, drinking alcohol during pregnancy / breastfeeding etc can be highly emotive but are rarely discussed and challenged. Yet breastfeeding on demand, giving them finger foods rather than purées or using cloth nappies are fair game? Really?

So here's my promise - I will happily share my parenting techniques and philosophy with you. I will even defend my beliefs about those important topics. But I will never judge you just because you do it differently. I may ask you lots of questions about the way you do things so that I understand your methods, I may even give it a try myself. I also may not. Please do not be offended if I do things differently, just as you choose / chose to parent your children your way I choose to parent my way.

While ever we have our children's best interests at heart we all have the right to do it our way.

Simple as that.

A tip from Evie-Rose's mum

When I first started this blog I said that one day, maybe, if they were interested, I would have other Mums as guest bloggers, well we aren't quite there yet but... I thought I would share a fabulous tip from my friend Evie-Rose's Mum.

The other day I had a Mummy brain moment, lost in the wonders of vacuum packs (yes I am new to these) and I thought to myself Gee its funny how stewing pears and vacuum packs smell like fairy floss.

They don't. Only stewing pears smell like fair floss, but that smell quickly turns to burning and smoke if you leave the pears on the stove and get lost in vacuum packs.

So I was complaining to Evie-Rose's Mum that I had to scrub the pan for days to get it clean and she shared this gem.

Put water, bicarb and a dash of dish washing liquid into the pot. Return to the heat and cook off the burnt bits.

It works a treat! Matilda's Dad had a similar Daddy brain moment the other night with dinner and we got to give Evie-Rose's Mum's hint a try. Not only do we now have a sparkling clean pot but we had fun watching it all react and bubble up like a science experiment.

Which reminds me - if you are going to give this a go don't add too much water and do not walk away from the stove (do it when the kids are in bed!) as you will have a much bigger mess to clean up if you do!

Sometimes all I do is wash

Most nights my husband comes home after the nasty daily commute and says

"So what did you get up to today?"

and my answer is inevitably "washing". I feel like that's my answer day after day sometimes!

Don't get me wrong I am not complaining, some of that washing is nappies and I wouldn't change that for the world (post coming one day about my love of  cloth nappies) and every time I hear the rainwater tank pump kick in for the washing machine I am happy knowing we are doing our bit.

So today's post is about a few little old fashioned things I find useful, sharing is after all one of the reasons I started this blog, so it's about time I did that!

So what are my favourite baby related laundry things so far?

Old fashioned 'clothes hanger things'
So I'm not ally sure what you call them but you can see them in the (not very good) picture below.

This might give you too much of an insight into my little personality quirks, but it drove me nuts hanging baby socks out with adult sized pegs! It was just ridiculous. So I started looking for baby sized pegs. Then I remembered these things from when I was a kid. I found a couple in the local bargain store and haven't looked back. I even put them into all my baby shower / new baby presents now.

As you can see the pegs are nice and small for bubs clothes and socks. The white one is great for all the 'single' things like socks, mittens, cloth wipes etc. and the blue one does the pants, singlets and bibs.

The best thing is that the are portable, so we take them with us on holidays and we never have to worry if the will be somewhere to dry Little Miss's clothes.

Woollen hangers
Still on the old fashioned theme, has anyone else used these wool hangers? My mum has one that must be 30+ years old. She bought my sister and I one when we moved out of home and I've carried it from house to house with me. I have used it for the odd delicate or woollen item over time but I never really appreciated its usefulness until now.

They look like this in the packet (and cost about $4):

and then like this on the line, these are Matilda's knitted cardi's hanging out to dry:

So in case you cant see - it has a hook on either end and one in the middle. For adult clothing you simply thread the arms through and have the middle hook poking thorough the neck. For Matilda's clothing I do the same but have one tiny cardi / jumper on each arm space.

They are great for all of that delicate woollen and crochet clothing little ones get and for anything that will drop out of shape if hung up with a peg.

Well they are my two favourite laundry items at the moment. I of course love my nappy buckets for Matilda's super cute cloth nappies and frankly I quite love my laundry, which we built just before Matilda arrived.

The last thing on my recommendation list for today is... a rainwater tank! I couldn't possibly talk about doing the washing without mentioning that all of our water for washing comes from our tank (rain permitting). That means that we leaving the precious treated drinking water for uses more appropriate (our toilets are also flushed with rainwater).

Here is my beloved rainwater tank, which is located right next to my clothesline!

Have a great Friday!

What a beautiful blog post

I love this post from Latte Mum A letter to my pregnant self, such a lovely way to reflect on the first nine months of her little boys life.

We are coming up to the same nine month mark in the next few weeks, it's hard to believe that we will have had Matilda with us as long as I was pregnant at that stage.  That's an amazing thought to me, those early pregnant days seem like a world away now.

Babies certainly turn life on its head and its worth every minute!