There are two types of unsolicited advice that I seem to get and both drive me bonkers!
The first is one I am sure we have all experienced - it's the advice we get from the stranger on the street, in the supermarket or at the park about parenting that we (at least I think) clearly don't need.
I experienced this for the first time the other day in my local supermarket. Matilda was quite happily sitting in the trolley munching away on some bread. Once that was done I pulled out a few fresh blueberries and offered her one. Now we were pulled "off to the side" of the aisle so we weren't in the way and I was quite lost in my conversation with her "Ta Mummy, now go slow with that" etc etc, when a stranger pulls her trolley up, across the front of mine, and proceeds to lecture me on the way I am feeding my child!
"Does he chew them up?"
"Cause if he doesn't he'll choke you know"
Gee thanks! I would have never known my child needs to chew her food...
Now, when I tell this story it involves a raspy, I-smoke-a-pack-of-cigarettes-a-day, old lady's voice. It may, or may not, have sounded like that but it emphasizes my point. So feel free to re-read her delightful advice with that in mind ;)
I still cannot decide if I am more insulted by the lecture or the fact that despite Matilda being clad in a pink trolley cover and a sparkly pink top she continued to refer to her as 'he'.
The other type of advice is the one that fascinates me more than anything. Don't get me wrong it it still annoys me but mostly I just find it fascinating what people will say and their response when you challenge them (in a nice way).
Have any other mums ever had these types of comments?
"Don't let her suffer"
"Don't let her get sunburnt"
Ummm... Like I would! I know the people saying this don't actually think I would do these things, they are kind of something that is said without thinking. Well that's all well and good for the person saying it but it gets to us mums!
I would never knowingly let Matilda get sunburnt, let her suffer or do or eat anything that would be dangerous for her so please don't suggest I would. And if you do, be prepared for me to challenge you on it.
I have done this once before and the look on the persons face was pure shock - she had no idea how insulting what she said was. She hadn't meant anything by it, she was just trying to show she cared. But that's not how it felt for me.
Please people, when you speak to a new mum understand that what you say as a offhand comment may actually feel like intense criticism or be quite insulting - even if that's not how you meant it. Stating the obvious is common in everyday conversation but when you mix hormones, sleep deprivation and the insecurity of being a new parent it can become a personal criticism.
As for those strangers in the shopping centre - if my child chokes on the blueberry feel free to stop and lecture me but until then back off. It would be much nicer if you just stopped to say hello to her.
No comments:
Post a Comment